Desperate Housewife?

As I sit home I reminisce on my days in corporate America, running from desk to desk and meeting deadlines. I shutter to think that I will ever have to return to them ever again. I realize that I have become a Desperate Housewife but not the kind you watch on television. I am desperate to see a change in my life and in the lives of those that I hold near and dear to my heart. I want to see my son, RJ, obtain a good job, I want him to share with me his hopes and dreams and I want to be there for his troubles and triumphs. I am desperate to see him climb the corporate ladder of success and to play the lead guitar ( with his eyes closed). I envision my son Artis Jr. walking across the stage getting his diploma, wait is that me handing it to him. I am desperate and very scared. We have discussed homeschooling him for his senior year and I have doubts, reservations and honestly this is something I never thought I could do until now. But will I do it and be good at it? I am desperate, his future depends on our success of this home schooling program. What if I fail him. I am always up for a challenge but today I am scared. Tomorrow is decision day. If we will cross the road of home schooling I must withdraw him from the public school system tomorrow. What will we do?
I am desperate to fulfill my role as a parent in the last years of my son being home, honestly I haven't done a good job. It seems as though I get a handle on cleaning, and then I fail at cooking. How did Florida do it on Good Times? I'm going to watch some of the reruns to figure it out. The Brady Bunch family had a maid. I am a dreamer. I am desperate to make things come together before it's too late. My husband looks at me and tells me how proud he is of me? What is he proud of? Why can't I see it and feel proud of myself? I am desperate to find a place in my soul where I can rest. A place where I can have a perfect peace, where the anxieties of life doesn't take a toll on me, where chest pains are moments of the past. I am desperate to breathe a breath of fresh air and appreciate it! I am desperate to write down my own personal goals and achieve them one task at a time.
Why are the tears falling? Because I am desperate! When you reach the moment of sure desperation there is a level of intensity that overshadows you and you can close your eyes and see what success looks like. I am desperate to see success with my eyes OPEN. I want to be a part of making someone's mission impossible; possible. In a few days I will be 38 years old. My father said it best. When death came to get a beautiful woman she asked death why didn't you give me a clue that you were coming. Death said, When your hair turned grey, that was a clue. When you needed glasses, that was a clue, when your body ached day and night that was a clue. Everyday you lived was a clue that you were closer to death. I see clues of my death all around me. Perhaps I am in a world of my own, maybe nobody thinks about this but as of 10:04 p.m. My name is Cheryl Jackson and I am a Desperate Housewife. I desperately need a change. Let's see what happens tomorrow.

Psalms 30:5 .....weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning.