I miss you Dad.

somebody's watching me
Originally uploaded by hiitscj.

Tomorrow is my father's birthday. I wish he was here to celebrate it! I am sitting in my room looking at the ceiling fan circulating and feeling such an emptiness inside. I can't describe this emotion but I wouldn't wish it on my worse enemy. It's been over two years but when the sun rises it will seem like it was just yesterday that my father was looking at me with his bright wide eyes and saying hello miss Shirley. I miss laying on his shoulder and I miss the security that I felt in his arms. I miss his beautiful smile and I remember always trying to see myself in his gold tooth. I miss him singing... What a wonderful world and me trying to sing lower than his deep bass note was. I miss his barbeque chicken that smelled like it was ready when in reality he had only seasoned it.... I miss trying to sneak a piece of that chicken and he would call my name just as the chicken touched my lips. I miss him singing Bow down in church and I miss him preaching that southern gospel word of God.
I miss the way he smelled. I could never figure out the fragrance because he would always mix and match designer colognes to get HIS perfect scent. I miss him wiping my tears and sometimes I wouldn't tell him why I was crying but what was incredible is that he never really asked me why. I wish he could wipe my tears right now as they flow uncontrollably down my face, and around me, life goes on. My husband is downstairs, my niece and nephews are there with him. My sons are in their rooms and I sit here alone and thinking GOD I MISS YOU DAD.
Mother said that this picture was a typical day in my childhood. Papa would just sit on the bed and look at me. I wonder if Papa can see me now. I know he would be prouder than he ever was before of me. I am becoming the little girl he wanted me to be. I wish I would have caused him less trouble and grief and used those "do better" conversations to get closer to him. I miss you dad. I really miss you. I will see you again. until then God needs to find alot a bottles to store my tears in because theu are flowing like a river.

I miss you Dad!